A Man's Guide To The Embarrassment Of Buying Lingerie

Lets face it, we men are obsessed with women'sas far as possible, no matter how appealing they look. I
bodies and yet if I needed to tell someone the size ofwill try my utmost to ensure that whatever I buy will
her breasts the best I could probably muster would benot only please me but will make my partner feel sexy
"just about right" and if she were to ask me right nowas well. This should imply that she will be able to move
what her dress size was I would probably mutter thatcomfortably and bits don't poke out when she lifts an
it didn't make her bum look big at all. This is in part duearm or tries to sit down, or more importantly lie down.
to my ever-present attempt to gain brownie points andVisiting any shop that has lingerie in is bound to be a
not spend the night sleeping in the kitchen with the dog,big deal the first time I try it but I'm a grown man and I
but it is in one big part due to my ignorance. Ask hershould be able to cope. The sales assistant probably
what size my waist is and she could tell you without awon't think that the stuff I buy is for me unless I say
second's hesitation. It really isn't that difficult to find outsomething embarrassingly stupid and wear fake
this information either and the list of instructions on howbreasts. In fact, there's a very good chance she's dealt
to find out would consist solely of:with people like me, and people like you, on a fairly
1 - Open cupboard door.regular basis. You know, the kind of person who skulks
2 - Remove appropriate garment.around by the knickers looking around shiftily and
3 - Check label and make mental note of size.sweating a lot. In fact, come to think of it, it's probably
Even my brain could cope with that first thing in thebest if I don't do that, and just head straight over to her
morning but despite telling myself I should do it I neverinstead. She will probably be very helpful.
actually remember to. This could partially be becauseI saw a sign in a lingerie shop that I passed three times
there is something instilled in the back of my brain thatthe other day and it said they would gift wrap the item.
tells me the second I remove her bra and startI decided there and then that if I ever built up the
ferreting around inside it, her mother is bound to burstcourage to go in the shop and actually buy any lingerie,
down the front door unannounced and catch me in theinstead of keep walking past it, I would definitely take
act of apparently sniffing, or worse still putting on, heradvantage of that offer. I think being confronted by me
beloved daughter's bra. This really isn't a situation Icarrying a Christmas cracker wrapped present and a
want to find myself in but if I want to please her (myproud smile like your son or daughter gets the first time
partner, not her mother) then I should do it. In fact,they pee on their own would probably detract from
every man should do it. Go to your wife or girlfriend'sthe overall romanticism of the gesture. Besides, I
closet and find out her bra size. Write it on a piece ofwouldn't have to carry it home in a way that meant
paper and secrete it in your wallet if necessary.others might be able to see what I'd bought.
Of course, even once I know the size of her bra thatI can't wait to finally see her wearing the new lingerie I
doesn't make the actual selection any easier. As abuy. I guess the only thing that's left to do now is
general rule of thumb, I'm led to believe that a blackactually find out her size and go and buy something
latex nurse's outfit is not considered to be either lingerieappropriate, that is not a latex nurse's outfit.
or indeed comfortable so I will try to steer clear of that