| Lets face it, we men are obsessed with | | | | steer clear of that as far as possible, |
| women's bodies and yet if I needed to | | | | no matter how appealing they look. I |
| tell someone the size of her breasts the | | | | will try my utmost to ensure that |
| best I could probably muster would be | | | | whatever I buy will not only please me |
| "just about right" and if she were to | | | | but will make my partner feel sexy as |
| ask me right now what her dress size was | | | | well. This should imply that she will be |
| I would probably mutter that it didn't | | | | able to move comfortably and bits don't |
| make her bum look big at all. This is in | | | | poke out when she lifts an arm or tries |
| part due to my ever-present attempt to | | | | to sit down, or more importantly lie |
| gain brownie points and not spend the | | | | down. |
| night sleeping in the kitchen with the | | | | Visiting any shop that has lingerie in |
| dog, but it is in one big part due to my | | | | is bound to be a big deal the first time |
| ignorance. Ask her what size my waist is | | | | I try it but I'm a grown man and I |
| and she could tell you without a | | | | should be able to cope. The sales |
| second's hesitation. It really isn't | | | | assistant probably won't think that the |
| that difficult to find out this | | | | stuff I buy is for me unless I say |
| information either and the list of | | | | something embarrassingly stupid and wear |
| instructions on how to find out would | | | | fake breasts. In fact, there's a very |
| consist solely of: | | | | good chance she's dealt with people like |
| 1 - Open cupboard door. | | | | me, and people like you, on a fairly |
| 2 - Remove appropriate garment. | | | | regular basis. You know, the kind of |
| 3 - Check label and make mental note of | | | | person who skulks around by the knickers |
| size. | | | | looking around shiftily and sweating a |
| Even my brain could cope with that first | | | | lot. In fact, come to think of it, it's |
| thing in the morning but despite telling | | | | probably best if I don't do that, and |
| myself I should do it I never actually | | | | just head straight over to her instead. |
| remember to. This could partially be | | | | She will probably be very helpful. |
| because there is something instilled in | | | | I saw a sign in a lingerie shop that I |
| the back of my brain that tells me the | | | | passed three times the other day and it |
| second I remove her bra and start | | | | said they would gift wrap the item. I |
| ferreting around inside it, her mother | | | | decided there and then that if I ever |
| is bound to burst down the front door | | | | built up the courage to go in the shop |
| unannounced and catch me in the act of | | | | and actually buy any lingerie, instead |
| apparently sniffing, or worse still | | | | of keep walking past it, I would |
| putting on, her beloved daughter's bra. | | | | definitely take advantage of that offer. |
| This really isn't a situation I want to | | | | I think being confronted by me carrying |
| find myself in but if I want to please | | | | a Christmas cracker wrapped present and |
| her (my partner, not her mother) then I | | | | a proud smile like your son or daughter |
| should do it. In fact, every man should | | | | gets the first time they pee on their |
| do it. Go to your wife or girlfriend's | | | | own would probably detract from the |
| closet and find out her bra size. Write | | | | overall romanticism of the gesture. |
| it on a piece of paper and secrete it in | | | | Besides, I wouldn't have to carry it |
| your wallet if necessary. | | | | home in a way that meant others might be |
| Of course, even once I know the size of | | | | able to see what I'd bought. |
| her bra that doesn't make the actual | | | | I can't wait to finally see her wearing |
| selection any easier. As a general rule | | | | the new lingerie I buy. I guess the only |
| of thumb, I'm led to believe that a | | | | thing that's left to do now is actually |
| black latex nurse's outfit is not | | | | find out her size and go and buy |
| considered to be either lingerie or | | | | something appropriate, that is not a |
| indeed comfortable so I will try to | | | | latex nurse's outfit. |